I have been asked many times “What is the right amount of involvement should parents have with their kids athletic experience?” As I look at my past experience dealing with many parents and players throughout my career, there really is not a perfect answer to this question. Involvement can be anything from coaching your daughter to just being a spectator that enjoys watching and following the sport. I can honestly say that effective relationships built around sport participation varies drastically across the board, and depends greatly on personalities, experience in the sport, and ultimately the relationship that has been built through the sport experience. Why should it be any different than our involvement in preparing them for life?

As a child, I developed a great love for the sport because of the circle of influence that I found myself surrounded by. My siblings were very active in sport, my mentors were teachers and coaches that were involved in athletics, and ultimately I developed a love for participation in sport. Growing up, it was just what we did after school – meeting at the end of our neighborhood and playing catch, stickball, football, basketball and anything that involved a ball. As I look back at my athletic career, my parents were not very involved other than providing me the opportunity and encouraging me to do my very best. With that said, it worked for me although there were times when I would have liked my parents to be able to enjoy more of my games, but the reason I played was my love for the game. I can also look back and believe that parents were much less involved on the male side of athletics. Most are spectators and just enjoy watching the sport and cheering on the team.

As I got into softball, I noticed that parents were much more involved with their daughters athletic experience. The involvement that I see today can range from coaching on the field, coaching in the stands, being an agent to secure athletic scholarships, and many that are your typical spectators enjoying spending time with their daughters. Yes, we live in a different world today where our expectations from participation in sport has become more result oriented vs. experience oriented. It has become an investment in their future. In my experiences as a youth, athletics was something you did because you enjoyed the competition and the teams you played on were associated with where you lived. We traveled locally and if we were good enough, we received the opportunity to move to the next level and maybe receive a scholarship to attend college.

At the college level, we get the chance to see the results of many different approaches by parents. To the most part, they have all worked since their daughter has been able to reach the next level and on occasion see the investment pay off. The common theme has been instilling great work ethic, being a good teammate, skill development, and instilling a passion to play the game at a high level. The kids personality and make up will dictate what will work. Whether you are highly involved or just there to give support and encouragement, your relationship as a loving and supportive parent will always guide you to make the right decisions. Let’s be real, our involvement with sport should not be any different than our involvement in preparing them for life after their athletic careers come to an end!

I leave you with something that I have learned from coaching both men and women: “Men have to play good to feel good – women have to feel good to play good!”

Until Next Month,