A very popular question today by youth coaches is “How can we educate parents on being a positive sport parent?” This is a very hot topic as parents today are much more involved in the athletic experience of their children today than when I was growing up. I had parents that rarely watched my practices and games. Now that may not be the perfect approach to supporting your child’s athletic experience but my experience was never confused with the roles of my parents and coaches. I knew without a doubt that when I was at practice or a game, my coaches were responsible for teaching me the skills of the game and an appreciation for competition and being a member of a team. My parents supported the decisions of my coaches and never got involved with my athletic experience other than to provide encouragement and support. 

I found a great lesson while watching Meet the Parents, which takes a hilarious look at family relationship that feature Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, and Robert De Niro at the top of their game. Stiller plays Gaylord “Greg” Focker, a male nurse who plans to ask his girlfriend, Pam Byrnes (Polo), to marry him. De Niro’s character, Jack Byrnes, a retired CIA agent, is Pam’s tightly wound father. The overprotective future father-in-law son becomes Greg’s worst nightmare. 

During a weekend visit to Pam’s parents’ house, Greg finds himself under the watchful eye of Jack, who is hell-bent on making sure that he will be an honorable and trustworthy husband for Pam. In addition to subjecting Greg to a polygraph test, Jack explains the importance of trustworthiness by sharing his “Circle of Trust.” There are only two possible places that people can be: People you trust are on the inside of the circle, while people you don’t trust are on the outside of the circle. 

In a new book “The Champion’s Mind” by Jim Afremow, PhD, the Circle of Trust concept is used to help parents think about how to best support their son or daughter in athletics. Building trust within a parent-child relationship can be difficult. Parents think they know the best approach for helping their child succeed in sports. However, best intentions can and do often go wrong. It doesn’t matter what you think about your advice; it matters what your child thinks about your advice. 

Draw a circle on a piece of paper. This is your child’s Circle of Trust. A dot inside the circle represents a behavior helpful to your child. A dot outside the circle represents a behavior not helpful to your child. To be a champion sports parent, work with your child to identify whether your behaviors, with regard to his or her sports participation, land inside or outside the circle. Creating a visual representation such as this can be very beneficial during brainstorming efforts and help you make positive and practical changes, as well as bond with your child. 

Next month, we will discuss some guidelines for parents to use in discussion regarding the athletic performance of their child.

Coach Mike Candrea