Over the past few months, I have received several inquiries regarding team building and how do we handle conflict on our team.  It is not a matter of if you will have conflict but when!  A major part of the development of your team is being proactive in setting the environment that allows your athletes to grow not only in the athletic arena but also to acquire skills that will allow them to be successful in the real world.  In dealing with conflict, I feel it is appropriate to be proactive and talk about how in our family we will deal with conflict and to take it one step further – provide a series of tips to help young people think through the process and help them successfully handle conflict that they will face.

Rules of Engagement:

• Know the difference between attaining a goal and winning the argument
• Don’t take things personally
• Take your ego out of it
• If your ego is involved, you become more invested. Being more invested than the other leads to you forfeiting power
• Begin with agreement – even if the agreement is “not everything is ok”
• Confront in the spirit to help and problem solve
• Have the discussion on “neutral ground” – go for coffee or lunch
• If possible, handle the situation one-on-one rather than discussing the issue with everyone else or recruiting an “army”
• Stay in control of yourself and your emotions
• Practice empathy – try to see it from their side
• Stick to the issue at hand rather than generate or refer to additional conflicts
• The resolution may not be “win-win.” So, try not to hold grudges
• Communication is more than the verbal expression of words. Be mindful of your body language and tone
• When discussing the issue, be descriptive rather than critical and be specific rather than general

I have always found that teams are either “dysfunctional” or “functional”.  To achieve common goals and maintain the positive energy that it takes to become a great team, our ability to handle conflict in a timely manner and effectively can be the difference maker in life and in the athletic arena.  With these guidelines, you can begin to face conflict in a productive way and maintain a very “functional” family!

Until next month,

Coach Candrea